


Words haunt him

by Signe_chan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-17
Updated: 2012-04-17
Packaged: 2017-11-03 20:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/385610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Signe_chan/pseuds/Signe_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>15 interconnected drabbles dealing with the begining of Dean and Castiel's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words haunt him

**Author's Note:**

> This is unrepentantly AU in that I've picked and chosen bits I like from canon and ignored bits that I don't. If that's a big turn of for you don't read, just so you're warned.

It's not safe outside. Normally this would be all the incentive Dean needed to be loading up and heading out, but fortunately for his aching everything they were being kept inside not by a demon or monster but by the rain. In fact, the rain beating down outside made the motel room kind of cosy. Cas had hung around after laying down his usual proclamations of doom and was helping Sam with some research, and Dean couldn’t help but feel it was oddly domestic, here like this. For a while, until the rain stopped, that motel room felt like home.   
***  
The words haunt him right now. This was the reason he never told anyone he loved them. Not even Sam, though he supposed dying for someone was a way of saying “I love you”. It had just fallen out though, in the middle of an argument, shocking them both into silence. Castiel had blinked at him, letting the words hang there for a second, then vanished. Dean had wanted to kick himself, wanted to go back and take it back, but he couldn’t. And Castiel knew him, knew how few times those words has passed his lips. He was screwed.   
***  
“Damnit, Sam! I said go. NOW!”   
Sam hesitated for a second. He’d been in enough dangerous situations over the years to know that tone in Dean’s voice. It meant his brother was about to try something self-sacrificing and heroic. Something that would probably end up with Dean being dead.   
“No a chance,” he shouted, moving further in to the fight, gripping his knife and aiming for the nearest demon. After all this time, Sam knew how Dean worked well enough to know he wouldn’t try anything stupid with Sam here, and he’d gladly risk his life to keep Dean alive.   
***  
His mouth remained half open. Castiel looked at him expectantly, as though he expected Dean to know what to do with this. After two weeks of nothing, Castiel had appeared in front of him, in front of them (because Sam was still stood there, to the side, blinking) and kissed Dean. Kissed him with an intensity and a focus that Dean, when he’d let himself imagine what kissing Cas would be like, would never have guessed at. The stunned silence quickly became uncomfortable and, suddenly, Cas was gone again, leaving Dean to wonder just where this was going next.   
***  
He knows that they mean well, but it's frustrating. It’s been a week since the kissing incident and as soon as Sam and Bobby had stopped laughing long enough they’d been full of helpful advice about how to fix a relationship with an angel, like either of them knew anything about that. Hell, like either of them knew much about fixing relationships in general, with their track record. Truth was, Dean couldn’t do anything about it. He hadn’t mentioned it to the chuckle brothers yet but Castiel wasn’t answering his prayers any more. He hoped he hadn’t ruined it for good.   
***  
Sam’s head connected with the keyboard with a loud clatter. If Dean didn’t find a way to resolve this soon he was going to have to take drastic action himself. Ok, so he didn’t know what exactly had inspired Cas to appear and kiss Dean in the middle of the road, but it had caused a display of self-pity like he hadn’t seen in his brother since the last time they saved the world. All he wanted to do was get this research done but he could barely concentrate over the sound of Dean being miserable in the other room.   
***  
“You have something I want.”  
Dean rolled his eyes at the stereotypical villainous dialogue, and thought about informing him that nobody really talked like that, when suddenly the demon’s eyes rolled back and it gushed out of the vessel’s mouth. Dean strained to look but he was tied down and couldn’t see who had done it.   
“Hello Dean.”   
Figured.   
“Hey Cas, think you can get me down?”   
Cas stepped into his line of sight and examined the restraints, they fell away. Before Dean could move, Castiel leant forward and kissed him again, and this time Dean kissed back without hesitation.   
***  
Dean had never meant for this to happen. That should have counted for something. Still, somehow, he was stuck in the unenviable position of trying to teach Cas how to have a normal human relationship. Stuff like not showing up and kissing him in front of Sam was easy, things like dates and taking is slow less so, though Dean had never actually been good at any of that shit himself so that might be why they were struggling. He didn’t want Cas to be his usual though, quick sex and goodbye. But he didn’t know how to get that.   
***  
Please let me pull you close. There is nobody here but us, your brother safely in another room. Nobody to see you lean. I know that you hurt; I have felt your pain. See you hide it in alcohol and sex but not here with me tonight, don’t hide from me tonight. After all we’ve been through together, I did not think we should ever have this. But now, for all the anger we’ve built between us, all I have left is the desire to comfort. I will not leave, I shall be here tomorrow, so let me hold you.   
***  
The worst punishments were the ones Dean inflicted on himself. They all knew that, which was why Sam never expected the thing with Castiel to work. After all, Dean had a pretty good track record for taking everything good in his life and making a mess of it. Every morning that found Castiel still with them surprised him, but maybe it shouldn’t have. As much as Dean was able to punish himself more completely than anyone else, Castiel was more capable of anyone else of sticking around through all Dean’s troubles, even when he had ever right to walk away.  
***  
The hunter lifts his head a bit to stare at his partner standing in the doorway. Castiel frowns, and then steps in to the derelict room. He hadn’t known what to expect when Sam had called him and sent him in to help Dean. The odd look of defeat on Dean’s face wasn’t unexpected, though. Castiel crossed the space and folded Dean in his arms and for the first time Dean let himself be held. Castiel couldn’t help wishing he could fix the human soul and mind as easily as he could the body. Eventually, reluctantly, Dean held him back.   
***  
By the next morning Dean was ‘fixed’ again, barking orders and making jokes and pretending like nothing had happened. None of this had come as any real surprise. Sam had seen it too many times before. What was a surprise was the way that, when Castiel appeared, instead of tensing as he remembered past weakness, Dean relaxed. He allowed the casual hand on his shoulder, even raising his own hand briefly to grip Castiel’s, a casual affirmation of the touch. Sam was normally very weary of changes in Dean, but he couldn’t help think this one was for the better.   
***  
He moves into the shelter of my arms. For a moment I am shocked. I had not expected my offer to be taken, had prepared myself for rejection, but here he was.   
“You know Cas,” he said, tightening his hold on me. “I don’t...this isn’t a casual thing for me, alright. I know I’m messed up sometimes, but I don’t want to be. I...I think I can learn to do this, and maybe you can learn to lean on me too?”   
“I hope so,” I reply. Trusting in Dean. I have been stung before, but maybe I can try again.   
***  
"There was a gun in his hand." Dean said, incredulous at the thought of a demon replying on a gun. Castiel was listening intently, considering each of Dean’s words as though it held some kind of deep meaning. Sam knew that look well by now, it was familiar. The entire thing was familiar, and oddly domestic. He was comfortable, felt as safe as he ever did in this messed up world. He wasn’t sure when his definition of family had expanded to include Castiel, but apparently it had. He didn’t really regret it either, not when he saw Dean smile.   
***  
“Cas,” Dean said, with the determined set to his jaw I’d come to recognise as the face he wore when he had something important or unpleasant to say.   
“Yes Dean.”   
“I just, I just wanted to say...look, I know I set all this of when I blurted out that I loved you. But, well, I didn’t mean to at the time, you gotta know that. I’m not the kind of guy who goes around saying things like that. But, well, you’ve gotta know that I do, right? You know, love you...”   
Deeply touched, all I could do was kiss him.


End file.
